Twitter – AltDebate

My Twitter stream from last night’s debate. Didn’t you guys all see this too? Odd.

You can either view this PDF from the bottom up, for read the transcript below!

Twitter #Altdebate

Odd. My live stream is waving… waving… waving… #altdebate

Wow. Ken Henry has jump up on the stage yelling “Viva Henry Tax Review!” #altdebate

Tony’s just done a backwards over the elbow punch like Bruce Lee! Ken is down like a sack of shit, security dragging him off! #altdebate

Best debate moment ever. #altdebate

Holy cuss! Rudd has pulled an uzi and sprayed down the security guards as they dragged Ken through the Press Club! #altdebate

Ken and the guards are dead. I’ve never seen anything like this before! Rudd must have snapped. No UN post? #altdebate

Rudd’s checking Ken’s dead body. What’s that under Ken’s jacket? Rudd seems to be holding a pen with a big red button? #altdebate

Crazy. Some kind of explosion happened. Gas is surrounding Ken and Rudd and a couple of Labor mugs. #altdebate

OK. People are stumbling out of that gas cloud. They don’t look happy. Or well, for that matter. #altdebate

Awesome TV.The worm doesn’t know what to do with this – all over the shop #altdebate

Looks like some fights going on at the edge of cloud. Oh wait, it’s just Bill Shorten getting his arse kicked. Get one in for me! #altdebate

Here comes Rudd out of the gas. He looks terrible. Stumbling. Chris Uhlmann catches him as he falls over. #altdebate

Rudd totally just bit Uhlmann’s face! Chris is screaming! Rudd is yelling “BRAINS”! Uh-oh. #altdebate

#altdebate: You heard it first on Twitter! Kevin Rudd & Ken Henry detonate a bomb during the debate – a chemical bomb creating ZOMBIES!

Steve Fielding is panicking. He’s grabbed the camera and yelling directly into it #altdebate

Fielding: “They’re zombies! Zombies! Do you want me to spell it? Z-O-M-B-E-E-S!” #altdebate

…. #altdebate

Even the zombies are backing away from Fielding. They look embarrassed to even be near him. #altdebate

Gillard is franticly dialling on her mobile. Abbott is wasting no time. He’s disassembling the podium into stakes. #altdebate

Stakes against zombies? That’s pure Abbott, the action man with the wrong plan. #altdebate

Gillard is just audible on her phone. “What do you mean no focus group findings on zombies? What the fuck do I do then?” #altdebate

Gillard is screaming down her phone “Then get those racist western Sydney redneck fuckers in a room and ask them!” #altdebate

Abbott grabs the mike. Carnage is really starting to break out in the audience. #altdebate

Abbott: “I’ll save the nation. There will always be less zombies under a coa…” I think the mike has shorted out. #altdebate

Pity. That sounded like it was going to be an important scripted comment that would be completely #notintheheatofthemoment #altdebate

Penny Wong crawls onto the stage. “Save me, Tony!” Man, zombies are clawing at her legs, dragging her back off the stage. #altdebate

Tony says “I’ll save any Australian, Penny” He reaches forward. #altdebate

Tony: However, Penny, born overseas. Don’t believe in God. You’re a lesbian. You’re a woman. That’s 4 strikes in my book. #altdebate

Penny is screaming “I’m an Anglican, Tony! God exists!” #altdebate

Tony looks at her “Anglicans go to Hell, Penny. Didn’t you get Jesus’ memo?” He pushes her back into the zombie mass! #altdebate

#stonecoldAbbott No heart beats within that chest I’ll bet #altdebate

Abbott leaps into the fray. Those stakes are looking alright now – first to go is Belinda Neal. You know who she is. #altdebate

Abbott has been in the fight for a few minutes now. He is kicking arse. The worm is loving him. #altdebate

Abbott and Julie Bishop are back-to-back. He’s stabbing anything that comes near and she’s death-staring zombies until they burn #altdebate

Man, it is explosion city as Bishop makes zombies go up in flames. Boom! Roxon explodes! Boom! Swan! Boom! Crean!

Garrett is either dancing or a zombie! We’ll never know! Boom! Julie Bishop just turned him to ash #withhereyes! #altdebate

Abbott is looking like he’s going to sort this all out by himself. But Julie just pushed him into the zombie crowd! #altdebate

Abbott almost recovers but Bishop blasts him in the chest with her #lazereyes and he’s covered by zombies! #altdebate

Abbott screams “It’s all coming true! Women out of the kitchen! Zombies! Betrayal! It’s just like Tuckey said it would be” #altdebate

Julie, atop a pile of overturned chairs implores the heavens and says “I outlasted them all! Leader! Finally I’m leader!” #altdebate

Wow! Joe Hockey grabbed Julie’s chin and back of head. One twist and snapped her neck clean! #altdebate

Kevin Andrews is peeing himself. He is looking at Hockey with crazy eyes and says “She wasn’t a zombie, Joe!” #altdebate

Joe says: Had to do it for the country. Do you remember her stint as Shadow Treasurer? Australia was at stake. #altdebate

#Elsewhere. Conroy yells “This wouldn’t happen if my filter and forward plan was already in place!” #altdebate

Combet, killing zombies with oversized yet stylish union-funded glasses: “Filter… and forward?” #altdebate

Conroy is feckless. Totally without feck. He answered “Yeah, filter the internet and forward it to my PC…” #altdebate

Conroy just noticed the camera: “So I can… umm… ensure it is filth… yeah… that’s why…” #altdebate

Man, Conroy looks guilty! Combet said “Don’t worry, no one will know, they’re all getting ready to watch #Masterchef” #altdebate

Not me, Combet, not me. I’m keeping democracy alive. #altdebate

Whoops. Zombies have gotten both Conroy and Combet. The worm is reacting positively to the zombies for the first time! #altdebate

Now I could be wrong but I am sure I just saw Tom Cruise bungy into the crowd and lift out Xenophon in the confusion. #altdebate

Cruise is yelling “Nick, time for an audit you suppressive Xeno!” … I don’t know what that means but that can’t be good. #altdebate

Pure, lovely, chaos. You heard it first on Twitter. Traditional media fail to deliver again #altdebate

Some kind of secondary explosion from the stage? Gillard’s podium is vaporised! What the?.. #altdebate

The smoke has cleared. Gillard is dressed in an Australian flag bikini. She’s got a bloody tie wrapped around her head. #altdebate

Frankly, she’s hot as. Especially as she revs the chainsaw. The worm is solid 100% positive #altdebate

She growls “The focus polls are in #MoFo. Westie redneck tools hate zombies more than boat folk. I am going to Fuck. Shit. Up” #altdebate

Gillard leaps into the crowd. A circle forms. She holds her hand out and waves #comegetsome style #altdebate

Pyne! Mirabella! Even Faulkner! They’re all diced as they race to attack Gillard! #altdebate

Gillard reached INTO the zombie mass! She has pulled out a struggling zombie. #altdebate

“I’ve been looking forward to this for a long fucking time, Heff” she says. #altdebate

I can’t really describe what is happening in 140 characters. Oh… I’m gonna spew. #altdebate

I’m positive I’ve never seen a chainsaw fit down the eye of a penis before. Zombie old man Heff is screaming now! #altdebate

I’m guessing when she switches it on it’ll hurt even more #heyheffwhosbarennowbitch #altdebate

Zombie Bob Brown stumbles forward “This is great for mankind, Julia. Solves all our problems. Zombies don’t consume” #altdebate

Gillard drops Heff and the inserted chainsaw, faces Bob and pulls out a handgun and a huge fucking knife #altdebate

She had them hidden in her bikini top. Genius. Worm hits 110% #altdebate

Zombie Bob Brown “We don’t consume anything except… BRAINS!”. Bob launches himself at Gillard #altdebate

Bikini Gillard totally just sliced Zombie Bob Brown in half – top to bottom! Both halves are hoping on one leg. #altdebate

Zombie Bob Browns guts fall out onto the floor. “Finally” says Gillard, “A Green leadership #spill” #altdebate #badpun

The two Bobs don’t slip over though – they haven’t just got the balance of power, they’ve got the power of balance! #altdebate #badpun

Gillard calmly dispatches both Bobs with two bullets “Double dissolution, commie. Didn’t turn out so good, did it?” #badpun #altdebate

Is that all the zombies done? #altdebate

Abbott crawls out of a pile of bodies. He looks like every Resident Evil zombie you’ve ever seen, except more Toned. #badpun #altdebate

Abbott and Gillard circle each other. Both in now familiar swimwear and covered in gore. #itaintpretty #altdebate

Abbott: It’s the ultimate solution Gillard. Zombies aren’t gay. #altdebate

Gillard: Then why is Barnaby Joyce right behind you? That’s not a stake in his hand. #altdebate

Abbott is so intimidate by the gays he spins around. Gillard knifes him through the heart #altdebate

Before Barnaby can speak, Gillard shoots him. Actually, empties the clip #justtobesure #altdebate

As Barnaby dies the worm drops to 99%. Must have been the last remaining Nationals supporter #altdebate

Abbott slips off the knife and falls to the ground. Gillard stands about him looking down at her defeated foe. #altdebate

What is happening to Abbott’s face? Is it cracking open? Gillard doesn’t like what she sees! What’s underneath Abbott’s mask? #altdebate

What does Gillard see under Abbott’s mask? HER OWN FACE!!! Like Luke with Darth at the tree next to Yoda’s swamp-house! #altdebate

What does it all mean?…….. #doublerainbowacrossthesky #laborliberal #theyrethesamethesamethesaaaammmmeeee #yodawhowhatnow #altdebate

Gillard screams! I think the camera in the studio must be breaking! The coverage is pixilating! #altdebate

No signal. #altdebate

Brief picture on the telly: Is that Turnbull, Hockey, McKew, Burke and Hanson-Young shaking hands? What will the future hold now? #altdebate

Whatever. Buy a shotgun. Barricade your homes. They could be zombies. #whytakechances #youknowwhattodo #altdebate

Static. End transmission. #altdebate


4 thoughts on “Twitter – AltDebate

  1. Oh that was hilarious. Wish I was watching that stream instead of #ausvotes #debate. You must have had so much more fun than we all did! I wondered why you were talking about Zombies all the time. Now I know. You rock. This is pure gold!

  2. CLASSIC! And so much better than the real thing. Love JG in the Australia flag bikini clutching a chainsaw. That sort of image would keep my husband up for weeks.

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